It’s a fact that men find women to be incredibly complicated. It’s also a fact that men know no bounds when it comes to pursuing the object of their affection. Unfortunately, this usually comes with a great deal of cheesy pick-up lines and cringe-worthy comments. So, just what exactly do women want?

An article titled “Why the Pick-Up Scene Gets it Wrong” written by Chad Howse focuses on the “pick-up” or “dating” niche and how ineffective it is in regards to what women actually want. Chad believes these men address the issue of confidence with a backwards approach. By putting too much thought into their visual image rather than what’s coming out of their mouths, these men ultimately fall flat in their goal of successfully “wooing” a woman.

Chad argues that although communication and confidence is important, the approach that pick-up artists use turns men into dependents rather than increasing their strength and self-assurance. He proposes three reasons why the “dating niche” simply doesn’t work.

Pick-up strategies offer external tools but don’t transform the inner man.

Clothes and rehearsed lines can give you confidence, but it’s a confidence that can be taken away. It’s external, and therefore fragile. Real confidence is not dependent on outward appearance.

Focusing on picking up women gives you a distorted view of value.

When you put all your focus on getting with women, you become dependent on the validation of women for your own self-worth. The more you stop craving attention from women, the more attractive you become to women.

Notches on your belt are not the same as having the right lady on your arm.

While pick-up tactics may bring you short-term success, they don’t prepare you for a long-term relationship. You may know how to get a woman to come home with you, but do you know how to get her to stick around?

Guess what, guys. Women agree with Chad. Pick-up lines and overconfidence are instant turn-offs to women. Men are visual, so they first and foremost fall in love with their eyes. Women, on the other hand, fall in love with all of their senses. We care about the whole package, and a big part of that is personality. Here are some valuable dating tips from the female perspective. Embrace the opportunity to gain insight into the mind of the woman and use this knowledge wisely.

Be direct and straightforward.

You don’t need to waste time throwing out your best pick-up lines or acting casually disinterested. If she hasn’t walked away from you and isn’t rolling her eyes, chances are she’s somewhat interested. Get to the point and be direct. Let her know you’d like to get to know her better.

“There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness.”

Don’t try too hard.

Women like receiving compliments, but don’t overdo it. Compliment a (not inappropriate) body part, like her hair or eyes, and don’t dwell on it. You don’t need to tell her six times that she has the most beautiful smile in the world, even if it’s true. Compliment her, and then keep the conversation moving forward.

Confidence is attractive, arrogance is not.

There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. It’s easy to want to sell yourself, but it’s not a job interview. She doesn’t care about your fancy job title, and it comes off as bragging. Take an interest in her, ask questions and pay attention to her answers.

Chivalry is not dead.

She won’t think it’s lame or cheesy if you hold the door open or pull her chair out. Sadly, chivalrous gentlemen in the 21st century dating world are a dying breed, and it will help you stand out from the rest.

Most importantly, be yourself. Dating and getting to know someone can be awkward. But if you come off as genuine and don’t put on a act, it will enable the other person to act like his or her true self, and you’ll be able to really get to know each other. Good luck!